Kitschy Kitchens

Re: Gin In My Apron Pocket

2010-02-25T19:42:00.000-08:00

I just ran across a fun blog called Kitschy Cottage (by "Kitschy Kitten").

Therein you will find much kitchen kitsch.

I also took a side trip to her Gin In My Apron Pocket blog, which seems to be about self improvement and weight loss, etc.

Being a martini lover I signed on, so I need to post something about my progress this week...

I have worked out on my strider 30 minutes a day all week. For the first time in many years I have skipped my chiropractic appointments for two months running because my back doesn't hurt.

It's the strider workouts - No doubt.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #18 The Head-Knocker Microwave

2010-01-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

It's a good thing the walls in this kitchen are red; because that's what you'd be seeing after trying to retrieve that cute little tea set on the counter to the right.

The microwave protrudes at just the right height to hit many a cook in the temple (+ - 60" as I judge). It's a bad spot for such an obtrusion because just above the eye is everyone's blind spot.

The microwave is also too high for all but the tallest cook to see into without a stool. That means awkwardly lifting , and possibly tilting and spilling the contents, every time you need to check doneness or stir.

Peggy

Time for Halloween Kitchens

2009-09-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I found something worthy of a post on Kitschy Kitchens. This definitely ranks up there with the most kitschy!

There's a new blog in town, by Brittany Mauriss and Arron Goodin, and the denizens came up with the genius idea to post on the 13 Signs it’s Time to Remodel the Kitchen. Hilarious stuff!

I concur with all 13 examples, and have seen all those and more in 26 years of designing kitchens for normal people and eccentrics alike.

Take a trip over to CalFinder for a good laugh. This one is called the "Autopsy Kitchen".

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #17

2009-07-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking it is high time for another Kitschy Kitchen.

I was cruising over on ThisOldHouse.com and came across this article:

We Found Our Dream Kitchen on Craigslist

Therein is detailed a kitchen remodel by some fortunate Massachusetts homeowners who came across a "find" on Craigslist. A nearby kitchen dealer was selling a display...

They jumped at the opportunity. Even though the display had some obviously poor color choices (stark bone white and brown cherry in combination).

This is a kitchen that would only have happened under such circumstances.

Kitchen dealers usually replace their displays every few years when they get "tired" or aren't prompting purchases as expected. Or because they have changed product lines.

The homeowners were fortunate in this case. Additional matching cabinets were available to fill out the scheme.

Unfortunately, they didn't decide to buy an oven cabinet, even though they really, really, needed one (see image 1 of 11). Probably a cost issue.

In image 2 we see that the original display had crown molding. Sadly the buyers decided not to use it. The upper cabinets look very naked as a result.

In image 3 we see the dishwasher placed obstructing the door to the basement, even though the owners say: "we made sure the basement door next to the dishwasher could open all the way," says Jack. "It just fit! It's like we were Cinderella and the kitchen was the glass slipper." No further comment necessary here. I'm sure the kids can get through.

In image 4 - WELL! There's the crown molding!

Skip the ad and go to image 5, where we get back to the oven "cabinet" with wine cooler below. Cool. That little niche to the right of the oven cabinet is so unusable. In image 6, I won't even comment on the temporary oak countertop in the niche.

Image 7 is actually fine, except for the painted sheetrock wall behind the cooking surface. That is not likely to hold up long, considering the cook is a chef. A little tile or something to protect the surface would be good.

8 and 9 are "befores".

Image 10 shows the happy family doing their best to conceal the strange size doors at the top of the oven cabinet and hood. Something odd has happened to the hood. It looks as though it has been cut down in width. And not very well either.

This Kitschy Kitchen has lost all semblance of function, and whatever beauty there was in the original display has been lost as well.

The upshot: Buy and install a kitchen designed for another space at your peril. The compromises you will have to make to make it work may not be worth the effort.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #15

2008-08-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I ran across this kitchen today on This Old House online
Editors' Picks: Our Favorite Kitchens Ever.

Where shall I start?

First, I can see why the editors were enamored...the colors are stunning. The tangerine walls are the perfect counterpoint to the cherry-tone cabinets and stainless accents.

But the microwave on top of the fridge??? I certainly hope the inhabitants are tall.

And the sink jammed right next to that 48" commercial range on the left and 12" from the fridge on the right...Maybe the inhabitants are tall and really skinny, and don't need much counter space or wash dishes - ever.

Then there's the window on the left side of the range...Looks operable to me.

I'm also not so sure about that stainless pendant swagged from an old ceiling fixture in the center of the ceiling.

I just couldn't resist chiding editors who should know better.

Peggy

Kitchen-exchange: I'm Back!!

2008-06-01T21:05:00.000-07:00

Kitchen-exchange: I'm Back!!

Sorry Everyone

2008-03-26T20:37:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone.
I have been caring for my husband, who is a disabled Vietnam veteran, for the last eight months while he has fought an infection stemming from a 39 year old bullet lodged near his spine.
He has been hospitalized for the last ten days.
If you pray to a God...pray for us.
If not, have good thoughts.
I'll be back when I can.

Thank you,

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #14

2007-11-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't been inclined to post on here for a while.

But I am INSPIRED today!

"With an open-layout and a large center island, this kitchen from 1958 is way ahead of its time."

I found this image on Kitchen & Bath Business' web site:
Retro Chic or Just Weak?

This is probably a St. Charles steel case kitchen: The epitome of style in 1958, and for years to come.

St. Charles went away in the '90's, but a new St. Charles has recently arisen from the ashes like a phoenix. They are doing steel cabinets just like the old St. Charles, and I wish them well.

In other posts I have moaned about American appliance makers being behind the times.

Now I find that they have amnesia!

What makes me gaga over this kitchen is the undercounter oven in the island...Dacor didn't re-invent those until the early '90's...Some 30-odd years later. The controls down at the bottom aren't very handy, but I certainly give them credit for ingenuity.

I am struck by the integrated electric burners in the stainless steel island counter.

I recently posted on Kitchen _Exchange about the same sort of integration in a current maker's kitchens:
Oh La La & Green Valcucine!

And the integrated dishwasher over there against the wall in the cabinetry. I don't really remember when Miele started offering integrated dishwashers, but I think it was also later in the '90's.

I think our American appliance manufacturers are STUCK. They are unimaginative and dull in their thinking and design, just like the auto makers.

All the appliance new ideas come from abroad (whine).

I do give credit to Sharp for the Micro Drawer, and Dacor for the undercounter oven. But we designers, and you homeowners, want INNOVATION; not stick-in-the-mud sameness.

Peggy

Bossy's Kitchen

2007-08-31T18:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight, while following my Google Alerts in my never-ending quest for kitschy kitchens, I came across a HILARIOUS parody post on kitchen design rules by a wife and mother named "Bossy".

Before you click over to be entertained, realize that the language is a bit "blue". All quite necessary to make her points. You'd swear too if you had to cook in her kitchen!

And don't stop at her 13 rules; the comments are hilarious too.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #13

2007-08-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

A new Kitschy Kitchen!

This one appears on the Brownstoner blog, which I LOVE. "An unhealthy obsession with historic Brooklyn brownstones and the neighborhoods and lifestyles they define."

I read through all the comments to see if anyone picked up on the code violation with the range right up against the wall on the left and rear.

Now I'm a San Francisco area Certified Kitchen Designer, and I know that codes can vary from city to city and state to state.

However, when it comes to appliances, inspectors always defer to manufacturers' instructions, and there is no manufacturer of such a range who would not require 6" of clearance to a vertical combustible wall.

The lack of counter space is an inconvenience at worst. But the safety issue is huge. If the owners ever have a rangetop fire (the most common fire in any home) that burns the wall on the left, or at the rear, their insurance company will not cover the damages.

The owner explains that his wife designed their kitchen, and that's fine. But she and the people who installed it should have read the installation instructions.

The fridge should have gone into one of the closets to allow for at least 6" of counter space on each side, AND the range should have a back splash installed to protect the wall behind. The no-backsplash installation is reserved for island installations only.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #12 The Headknocker

2007-07-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

I was browsing on a great new real estate web site that was recently reviewed in the SF Chronicle called SocketSite.

They have a Design & Architecture section with some interesting San Francisco Bay Area offerings.

One in particular caught my eye: I'll call it the Headknocker Kitchen

You can look at the images on the web site. These small ones were all I could download. #5 is the kitchen. #2 is a living room shot with the kitchen in the background for context.

I can't IMAGINE how they managed to get this room past the building department in San Francisco. They are usually such sticklers for code issues.

Code says ceiling height in a kitchen must be minimum 7' throughout the room. the Headknocker obviously doesn't comply.

It's a strikingly decorated condo. I love the red wall housing the fridge (I assume).

But, can you imagine trying to get into that base cabinet on the right? It would require crawling there!

Real estate prices here require extraordinary measures to eke out every bit of usable space. I think they went too far (under the eaves) here.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #11

2007-07-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted a kitschy kitchen in a while.

I was beginning to think I had found them ALL already.

But tonight I found another to continue my run
Open this link and follow along in half screen.

First click on the " More Photos" link below the picture of the home's breakfast nook.

Photo #1 is the kitchen in all it's glory.

It's a great kitchen too.
Well designed, with everything in the proper places...

What's kitschy here?

It's that horizontal "zebrawood" running around the room
Can you imagine facing that January 1st every year

I hate to think what it cost that homeowner to get book-matched zebrawood where all the stripes line up right around that corner, from door, to door, to door, to door.

Quite obviously, money was NO object.

Let's jump to image #5 in our slide show.
It's a close-up of the glazed upper cabinet doors on the back wall.
Hmm. Here we clearly see that every stripe is exactly the same as every other stripe. Hmmm, hmm, hm.

And here are some images of zebrawood from the "wild" that was actually grown as a "tree".

Product Descriptions: Zebrawood(Microberlinia brazzavillensis)Color: Golden brown with pronounced dark brown streaks.The Tree: A tall tree to 150 feet; bole straight and cylindrical but relatively short, up to 50 feet; trunk diameters 48-60" over low buttresses. The bark is up to 12" thick.The Wood: Medium to coarse texture; grain usually wavy or interlocked and produces alternating hard and soft material which creates working difficulties.Typical Uses: Furniture, accessories, inlay.Source Region: West Africa, especially Cameroon and Gabon.

Note the variations in the grain? That's REAL zebrawood.

I'm afraid our "exotic zebrawood", chosen by the designer for its "linear quality", is plastic laminate...and our gushing home and garden reporter can't tell wood from a machine print.

So, next time you see "perfect wood", you too will know it CAN'T be real.
Even rare, old-growth, timber will have its imperfections: years of drought; years of plenty; years of flood; fire and insect infestations. They all show up in the grain of the wood. A tree used for cabinets, or anything else, was once a living thing.

So, it is only the DESCRIPTION of this kitchen that is kitschy.

Peggy

The HUGE LIGHTS Kitschy Kitchen #10

2007-06-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

This kitschy kitchen, called Under the Spotlight, appears in the latest (Kitchen) Trends Magazine, on Pages 74-77.

Pull it up in 1/2 screen so you can appreciate the MONUMENTAL SIZE of the pendant lights hanging over the island of this kitchen-in-a-barn/garage.

I would guess that they are at least six feet in diameter.

The kitchen itself is fine in every respect. Plenty of counter space and the proper accouterments.

And the barn setting, with its high vaulted ceilings and large-scale beams and window, and knotty pine paneling is delightful.

Even the concept of pulling a sports car in as "art" is great...but those pendants...oh MY! And they are centered on the vaulted ceiling, where the island is not. They throw the whole room off-kilter and block views of the expansive beams, ceiling and window.

The architects certainly fulfilled the owners request for "flamboyant and different".

But who would want to COOK under those monstrosities?

Peggy

Leaping Backsplash Art

2007-05-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have long had a problem with kitchen backsplashes that jump off the wall at you and hog every bit of attention.

These backsplashes by glass artist Steve Robinson of Rupert Scott in the UK are a perfect example.

They are works of art and beautiful in their own right.
But placed on a kitchen backsplash they become the whole design.

These kitchens are about the backsplash, not about the form or function of the space and how it contributes to the lives of its inhabitants. That makes these kitchens kitschy.

Peggy

A 1967 Look at the Future Kitchen circa 1999

2007-05-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is not a particularly Kitschy Kitchen, but instead a remarkably prescient look into the future from 40 years ago.
Too cool.

Peggy

A clip from the 1967 film "1999 A.D." showing the marvelous kitchen of the future.

Kitschy Kitchen #9

2007-05-03T10:51:00.001-07:00

This charming little kitchen is from a circular I received today from an unnamed Big-Box store.

The homeowner claims delightedly:

"I can't believe this is the same space. I actually have room to cook now."

And it IS a big improvement over the sad before pictures. I grant that.

However...That farm sink, perched so strangely (I have a feeling the contractor ran into a "problem") at about 3" above the butcherblock countertops, will leak water down into her new cabinets in a matter of months. A farm sink must be undermounted, or it will leak. And mold and mildew and dry rot will be the result, if not structural damage.

To quote further:

"The wooden butcher-block countertops have a penetrating oil finish. They require special maintenance, such as reapplying oil, but the longevity and beauty are well worth it."

Butcherblock and water do NOT mix. I once did a redesign on a kitchen that had appeared in Sunset Magazine ten years before. It had butcherblock counters throughout.

The areas around the main and bar sinks were black with mildew; to the point where the owners had to use cutting boards to safely work on top of the butcherblock. The cooktop area was scorched from hot pans. Ditto the counter next to the ovens.

Never choose butcherblock unless it is on a separate counter with no sink or cooktop. It's wonderful for chopping, but it just won't hold up to moisture or heat.

That dishwasher around the corner from the sink might be appreciated by someone who has had to do without a built-in. But dripping dishes from the sink over to the dishwasher will only hasten the demise of the countertops, and a wet floor is a slipping hazard.

Unfortunately this pretty little cottage kitchen will not be so pretty long before its life should be through.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #8

2007-04-30T17:23:00.002-07:00

Ah the fertile fields of Locationworks.

This place would be perfect for Morticia and Gomez.< It's so overthetop kitschy that there's nothing more to say...except HOW could they do that to a fine old manse?

And what inventive mind thought to make the doors over the fridge align with the fridge doors?

A Story: One of the first kitchens I ever designed had a hood/arch over the range like this (not gothic...pulease).

Only AFTER the kitchen was installed did we all (designer, contractor & homeowner) learn about the law of physics that makes air rush through an arch.

It really does...and there's NO way to stop it.

Every time she cooked the smoke went everywhere but up the hood vent in the arch.

I doubt that the poor contractor who hired me to design kitchens for his dealership EVER got out of that mess. The dolt refused to pay me, so I came back home to California to become famous.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #7

2007-04-30T17:23:00.001-07:00

Here we are back at Locationworks.

This one also doesn't require comment.

Oh those Brits!

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #6

2007-04-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

Ran across a web site called Locationworks today.

It's a UK firm that markets locations for filming movies.

They have lots of kitchens that are inspirational in their online library...But this one is a true Kitschy Kitchen. Not only that but it's in a kitschy HOUSE!

'nuff said,

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #5

2007-04-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a kitchen that has the realtors all a-goggle down in Palo Alto.

"The kitchen is to die for, with its open layout, hickory flooring, furniture-like cabinets, and a limestone counter."

Problem is: the focal point hood has angles that don't relate to the vaulted, beamed ceiling above. The result is jarring. Anything but serene.

Better to use light painted cabinets around the perimeter of the room, including the hood, and designing a hood that sits well in its space rather than something "from Mars".

The island in the dark wood is fine, grounding the room.

The single, oversized light fixture over the island bothers me too. It's out of scale to everything but the hood.

No criticism here about the layout. I'm assuming the door between the range and fridge goes to a walk-in pantry. If it goes to a garage and forms a traffic lane there then I would criticize; since it's right in the middle of the action.

Unfortunately the buyers of this $2,495,000 home will always feel a bit out of kilter in this room. They won't know why the room is uncomfortable either...or they wouldn't have bought it.

Peggy

The Kitchen of Terrestrial Mechanics

2007-04-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Here's another FUN kitchen!

The Kitchen of Terrestrial Mechanics has a unique dish drainer that drips onto a counter herb garden in a sunny window.

Really rather artistic, don't you think?

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #4

2007-04-03T14:49:00.001-07:00

This kitchen is downright dangerous!

Here we have a perfect illustration of NKBA's Kitchen Design Guideline #20

20. "No cooking surface below operable window unless window 3” or more behind appliance and more than 24” above it "

The placement of this 48" DCS range is right next to a window with a hanging curtain that would be alight in an instant with a flare-up on the rangetop.

The designer was not content with one infraction, but also violated #27 as well. A passerby could knock a pot off the range, walk into an open oven door, or burn an arm, simply walking by. The consequences would be even worse for a small child.

27. "Open-ended kitchen: at least 9” counter space on one side of cooking surface and 15” on other, at same height as appliance"

Aside from that, there is no preparation counter space between the sink and range. A violation of Guideline #31:

31. "For two adjacent work centers, a minimum counter frontage equal to the longest of the two required counter lengths plus 12” " That's 15"(range)+18"(sink)+12"=45". In a small kitchen that can be hard to achieve. But the 15" that is there is certainly not adequate at all.

NKBA's Design Guidelines were developed to ensure that trained designers plan kitchens that are as safe as possible for the occupants of a home. I always keep in mind that the kitchen is statistically the place where most fires start.

If you are interested in all 40 of NKBA's Kitchen Design Guidelines, to see how your kitchen measures up, go to NKBA.org (They are currently working on their web site so you may have to wait a bit to see this link).

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #3

2007-04-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Here is a kitchen where the designer couldn't decide WHAT to make the focal point...So she made EVERYTHING the focal point!

We have greenery and tchotches on top of the upper cabinets; a row of busy pendant lights; busy cabinet wood; and busy furniture.

The plan itself is fine. But there is so much going on that there is no place for the eye to rest in this room.

Better to play up the interesting shape of the island by passing on the curly-cued bar stools, and table and chairs. Better to feature the beautiful wood by not using quite so much of it.

Peggy

Something (Gold)Fishy

2007-03-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

This has got to be the ULTIMATE in functional kitchen design.
I ran across the video today on YouTube and just HAD to share.

This aquarium is at the BOTTOM of a deep fryer in a tempura restaurant in Japan. The boiling hot oil floats on top of the water (Oil does that. Really!) The goldfish in the water eat the bits of food that fall down through the oil and keep the oil clean. According to the video blurb, they live for 10-15 years, happily eating below certain death should they stick their noses above the level of the water.

What a creative people the Japanese are!
This is absolutely AMAZING!

Click the picture to detour to the video. Unfortunately you need to speak Japanese to understand the details of how this works.
Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #2

2007-03-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well it only took me 24 hours to find another one and it's in my own back yard! A San Francisco Victorian home for sale at $2.2mil.
Take a look at this baby.

We've got ceilings at least 10' high...and more soffit height than upper cabinet height! And those soffits with green metallic wallpaper! And the bumpy beige 6" ceramic tile with brown grout (haven't seen that since the 80's).

In fact this is probably a re-worked 80's kitchen. The tile was the height of fashion at the time. I did a lot of 6" tile with brown grout back in the 80's too. Live and learn.

Then there's every couple's dream of twin Viking ranges with hoods and a "handy" full-size microwave. Not only is the microwave in the cook's face, blocking the counter, but it is beyond the legal code protrusion for combustible material next to those ranges. And with twin ranges we have code violations for BOTH cooks! Share and share alike.

Seriously, the microwave is much better placed close to the refrigerator, where the cook gets most everything that goes into it. Mounting it a bit lower also gives safer access to children and adults who are not very tall.

The hoods are aligned with the tops of the cabinets at 8'...That puts their bottoms at 6-1/2' a good foot higher than where they will serve any function whatsoever (see Hoods, Noise and Venting in my Kitchen-Exchange blog for details on how to get the most function from a hood).

These days we would take advantage of that 10'+ ceiling and do something wonderful with lighting and added volume up there. The home is a Victorian, which calls for painted, flat-panel, inset door, cabinets; subway tile on the backsplash; and a marble-like honed granite on the counters. A 60" range with a cabinet on the left would give equal cooking capacity with improved safety and function. Such a kitchen would never look dated because it would be in sync with the home itself.

Good thing I can't see the rest of this kitchen... But I'm willing to bet the buyers rip it out after the purchase. Wouldn't it be funny if they called me to design a new one for them? If they do I'll be sure to post an "after" for you to see.

Peggy

Kitschy Kitchen #1

2007-03-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

My friend Susan Serra, CKD, has debuted her blog The Kitchen Designer and is doing Saturday reviews and comments on vintage kitchens on an ancillary blog Ancient Kitchen Pictures. Pretty safe as the designers are probably all dead. But great viewing and a truly novel idea!

Not to be outdone, I have initiated a search for awful current kitchens. Hah!

Without much difficulty at all I have come up with my first one to critique
(I sure hope the designer doesn't see this).

You can see it here on House & Garden's web site. Pull it up in half-screen so you can follow along.

Just looking at this "classic black-and-white kitchen" is enough to make you dizzy. The floor, with diagonally set black and off-white tile (probably marble) is fine, even "classic"; though larger than 8" would have been better on the eyes. The backsplash tile though, in black and bright-white ceramic tiles that don't match the white in the floor (or any other white in the room) is truly awful. And the designer even carried them right into the Butler's Pantry instead of giving our eyes a rest.

The fabulous matte-black and chrome La Cornue range fits right in to a "classic kitchen" with its old-world styling. But the glass-fronted GE refrigerators are right out of the Jetsons.

Then we turn to the layout:
A corridor-style kitchen can be very efficient, IF it's not too wide, as this one is. The designer succumbed to the temptation offered by too much space (about 8') and put a 42" wide retro table and chairs in the middle of the room.

Can you imagine trying to cook in there? Let alone when the chairs are filled with people! The path from sink to refrigerator to range is blocked at every turn by the table! If I were the cook in this household I would surely toss that table and chairs into the basement ASAP.

I'll assume the main sink is out of view, but the auxiliary sink down there doesn't seem to have a dishwasher, and is top mounted ON the counter.

The designer, who remains unknown thank heaven, has hit a quadruple-play! She has designed a kitchen that is impossible and uncomfortable to look at, to cook in, to clean up in, even to SIT in! The next question is...Why is House & Garden featuring it as a "Dream Room?

Peggy ;-)